all that escapes us
by saltandburnit
Summary: "It's okay though!" his little brother chirped happily, a grin settled, as it always seemed to be, on his young face. "Sabo will remember soon, right?" The probability of someone regaining lost memories after so many years was after all significantly low. But Sabo didn't really mind the loss. At least not until a certain someone showed up who truly needed him to remember.


_Those big, bright eyes stared at him, hope still sparkling steadily in them and he felt like he could crumble under the weight of the expectations put upon him. And his own desire settled in his heart was slowly crushing him, the longer he went by knowing it would most likely not come to pass. Still he smiled under the gaze, a small, almost polite smile, one he knew was_ wrong _in a hundred different ways, but he did not know how to comfort the younger one who refused to show any signs of distress still. He had forgotten how._

 _"It's okay though!" his little brother chirped happily, a grin settled, as it always seemed to be, on his young face. "Sabo will remember soon, right?"_

* * *

Sabo walked around purposefully in the Colosseum, his mind racing to adapt to the new information he was given. With the prison located right underneath the building, the perfect spot to break his way in would be of course the inside of that ring. His only problem was that the tournament was still taking place and as of yet, he had no way inside. Forcing his way in should have technically been possible yet the uproar it would cause would bring all the attention to him instantly. Attention he wouldn't want if he were to attempt to open a giant hole in the middle that is. Hack who had held a position at the contest had regrettably already lost.

Voices speaking with urgency halted him in his step as he turned another corner. Quiet, curious, he remained in place for a few moments, assessing the situation. Rumors of the true identity of the great warrior Lucy being in fact the pirate captain Straw Hat Luffy had reached his ears as well, but he had paid it no mind at the time, as there were more important things to be considered. It seemed as though the man was in a difficult position of some short however. As he listened in, a small smirk settled on his face. Perhaps there was a chance they could help each other out.

"Monkey D. Luffy," Sabo called out in a steady, confident tone, demanding of his attention. "I have a proposition for you." The other pirate was quickly ignored, tossed aside even, as there wasn't a chance he could prove to be of use to the young revolutionary in his current situation.

He let his gaze roam freely over the pirate, more than a little curious to see what he was like. Robin had spoken very fondly of her captain- as had Ivankov despite their bewilderment over his reckless actions. And there was also the fact to consider, that this was Dragon-san's child. Secretly he couldn't help but wonder what he was like.

His presence was not very well received however. Considering his manner of introducing himself however, it was to be expected.

"Eh? Who are you?" Luffy asked and the other found himself smiling slightly at the blunt tone of voice.

Sabo paused, trying to figure the best way to go about with this introduction. "I'm a friend of Robin's," he began and saw him relax a litte at the mention. "I also work with your father. I'd like to help you." Which was not a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either.

"Iva-chan too?!"

The excitement in the surprisingly innocent question brought forth a soft laugh, unsuspecting as he was of the inquiry. "Yes, with Ivankov too. They grew quite fond of you, you know."

* * *

 _"... and- and THEN! You guys wanted to kill me!"_

 _Sabo gaped at the other, his mouth opening and closing for a moment, unable to make a sound. That was definitely not what he had been expecting to hear, even if it had been clear early on in Luffy's narrative that Ace, at least in his younger years, hadn't been as kind or friendly with his baby brother as one would expect considering the events at the war. "We tried... to_ kill _you?"_

 _"Yeah!" he laughed, oblivious to how horrifying his words may sound to an outsider. "That was really mean! But you didn't kill me anyway.."_

 _"I would hope so..." he muttered, before a stray thought entered his mind._ I wonder what Dragon-san would have thought of that, _but the humor it brought lasted less than a second as the realization of how impersonal a thought this was compared to what he was just told sobered him up immediately._

 _"Sabo..?"_

 _"Keep going, Luffy."_

* * *

The arrangement was simple honestly. Sabo would pose as Lucy in the ring, granting him access to the inside as he wished and in return he would promise the original Lucy that he would under no circumstances let his precious brother's Devil Fruit fall into the wrong hands. Especially if those hands belonged to a Blackbeard Pirate. It wasn't a hard deal to strike. Luffy didn't have a lot of options and Sabo was more than willing to give a helping hand to the young pirate.

Even if he didn't have brothers of his own, stories of the war were enough for him to understand at least in its barest form how important a memento this was for him. He would not let him _\- Robin's captain, Dragon's son-_ down.

It was as he was taking off clothes he couldn't take with him that he noticed the other's still apparent discomfort. "What is it?" Sabo finally decided to ask, casting his coat aside. "Are you still worried about the Flame Fruit?" His hat was gently placed down next to it.

"I.. uh.. yeah.. You..." Whatever he wanted to say never came out. Instead his already large eyes widened significantly once he took a good look at the discarded accessory.

He sighed. Perhaps it was unfair of him to ask this much of the boy. Not without giving just as many in return."Listen, I _promise_ I'll do everything in my power to get your brother's Devil Fruit to you. And though you may not know this, I tend to keep my promises. You just have to trust me. All right?" His expression shifted in a grin, hoping the confidence shown would provide at least some encouragement, before turning to pick up his pipe. When he switched his gaze back to him again, Luffy was gaping at him. "What now?"

The look he was given was one he could never hope to understand, yet it made something flutter inside him that somehow felt both warm and immediately _unsettling_.

"You never told me what your name was..."

"Didn't I? It's..."

* * *

 _"..._ Saaabo! _Are you listening?"_

 _His hands were forcefully rubbing his forehead, desperately trying to chase away the headache he could already feel coming as if his mind wasn't already tormented enough. As if the sense of something clawing,_ screaming _to get out wasn't enough for him to go through for one day. And when he opened his eyes, there he was, staring at him with a gaze full of wonder and concern and more than anything he wished he could give this sunshine what he needed from him._

 _"Did you remember something?"_

 _But he_ couldn't.

 _"I'm_ sorry, _Luffy."_

* * *

The sharp intake of breath at the sound of merely his name was something he couldn't understand but now Luffy was looking at him funnily and Sabo had no idea what to do about it. He opened his mouth to say something but he was beaten to it by the clearly shocked by something younger man.

"Sa-Sabo-" he called out, sounding like the name got stuck in his throat somehow. When he next spoke however, his voice had a strange certainty to it, one that confused Sabo more than anything. The words spoken with it almost scared him. "If you find no other way to save the fruit from them... you can have it."

He stared, dumbfounded for a second, unable to process the sudden change in attitude. "Why..?"

And the smile he was given, although tainted with a hint of sadness, still seemed bright enough to light up a new day.

"Because you remind me of someone."

* * *

The place was in ruins, everyone was fleeing and the Devil Fruit was still not in his hands. The place was in ruins and yet people were still coming for it. They were still coming for it but he had made a promise he simply could not break. He touched it then, it was in his hands but for how long? He had made a promise. They were coming for it, could he really keep carrying that thing around? He had _made. A promise._

Did he even want a Devil Fruit?

But that smile had tucked at something in his heart his mind could not assign a memory to. And those words had stopped his breath in a way that made no sense.

 _" ... you remind me of someone."_

Whatever that meant.

"FINE!" he yelled in frustration.

And he bit.

* * *

He found himself in front of an admiral of all things, prepared to fight him to protect someone he did not really know.

The man was curious enough to ask for a reason, yet Sabo held no answer for him. How do you explain to a stranger that even though a person like you who could never understand a thing such as family had silently promised the man whose fire was burning in his veins that he would not let anything happen to his little brother?

Because he was all too aware of how this fire did not belong to him. The least he could do was protect the person it had gone out for.

* * *

 _A story that despite its shocking beginning had involved a lot of laughter and smiles- whether forced or not- suddenly took a turn to the darker and Sabo was left to swallow information he had always suspected but no one could ever confirm for him._

 _"My..._ father _?"_

 _Luffy nodded, his nose scrunched up at the memory. "Yeah. He wasn't a nice guy." And he proceeded to explain how his father created this entire plan to put him back on his little golden cage for good, uncaring of anything other than his name, much less his own flesh and blood. The scar on his face ached slightly at the thought and he understood after so many years, the sick twisted feeling he had gotten in his stomach at the suggestion to return him to his parents._

 _But as the story moved on, a strange, horrifying realization settled in._

 _As he stared at the face of a brother he could not recall, he understood grimly that his father had indeed succeeding in at least part of his purpose._

He had taken them from him.

* * *

It felt wrong to wake the younger up, exhausted as he clearly would be from the fight he just had. Nevertheless, it would feel wrong to leave the island without talking to him- not when it was his brother's flames burning inside him, flames he couldn't hope to fully grasp the meaning of. Still, as Luffy blinked wearily at him, tiredness radiating off of him in waves, Sabo regretted the somewhat selfish decision. After all, it would be a lie to say that part of this visit wasn't to ease some of his guilt over the way things turned out.

He still believed he had no right to claim that fire. Ace's fire could have gone to a friend, not a stranger. It was so foreign to him.

After the proper greetings were made and Robin finally confirmed with certainty that she did in fact know who the revolutionary was, Sabo convinced himself to ask after all the one question he had been meaning to ask from all the way back to their first meeting.

"Luffy, did you say I reminded you of someone? And that's why you were okay with me taking Ace's fruit. Who was it?"

The boy didn't miss a beat in replying to him, a huge smile brightening up his face at the memory. It was much like the one given to him in the Colosseum yet as there was no need to worry about the fate of his brother's will anymore, the previous hesitation was gone and the sight, impossibly happier than before, warmed the man's heart in a way he didn't recognize. "Oh yeah!"

However the answer itself was one none of the people in the room would have ever expected. And neither was any part of the conversation that followed.

"You remind me of my brother!"

"I remind you of... of Ace?" Briefly a conversation with two of his comrades came to mind. _He's somewhere around your age..._

Luffy shook his head a little too fast to be healthy. "No! Sabo."

"Then who I remind you of?"

"Sabo!" he insisted. "My brother Sabo."

It appeared as though this unexpected piece of information was as new to the crew as it were to him. "You have _another_ brother?" one of the members he couldn't currently put a name to asked, slight bewilderment evident in the tone.

Luffy sobered up a bit at the question, though a soft smile full of a truthful fondness remained as he spoke with a sparkle in his eyes and love in his heart of the brother he had lost all those years ago. "Had. Sabo died twelve years ago. But I swear, I almost believed it was you for a second there! I mean he-"

And that was how he proceeded to ramble on about all the similarities, not knowing how the man he found so similar to his brother had already mentally done the math. And with each and every similarity mentioned a voice inside his head _screamed_ at him to make it stop, to find something that did not _match_ because the implications of what was being unraveled right before his eyes with mere words so innocent in their nature were something he simply could not handle. Not after twelve years of not knowing.

... _Could I have forgotten this?_

".. blond and he wore th _at same hat_ as you.."

 _how..._

"... all three of us fought with pipes!"

 _could I..._

"You have the same name too..."

 _have..._

"But you didn't remember me, so I thought it couldn't be you.."

 _forgotten..._

"... because Sabo would _never_ forget about us! We're brothers after all!"

 _this?_

"I.." Sabo chocked on his words, his mind spinning in a hundred directions and his heart, a heart beating heavily in his chest loud enough to almost drown out the sound of the other talking yet not enough to spare him from the words said- it was twisted and pulled not sure, not knowing what he should hope for. If he had the right to hope for this to be true after everything. If he was cold enough to hope it wasn't. "I don't remember a _lot_ of things..." he breathed, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as it felt.

More than one person in the room began to ask, only to be interrupted by the single other soul who also understood the overwhelming magnitude, the incredible possibility of what was being said. "What exactly happened to your brother, Luffy?" asked Robin and Sabo didn't have enough words to describe how grateful he was to be spared of that question.

His previous mirth vanished quickly as the sweet memories of his precious brothers faded into something more grim. The night of that horrible fire caused his shoulders to tense, the reminder of that incredible relief of seeing Ace again only to find out he had lost someone just as important brought forth a sadness he hadn't shown up to that point. There was a certain unfairness in the way his older brother had perished, without fault, out of reach of his dreams, that was impossible not to sadden the sole member of the trio left behind.

"He wanted to be free but..." _Don't say it._ "When he tried to sail..." _Wait, stop. Give me a minute._ "... his boat was blown up."

There was no lack of distressed expressions from the audience of this story. Yet Sabo could only bring himself to twist his head ever so lightly, his eyes coming to rest upon the one whose face portrayed the same stunned horror that he was certain would be reflected on his own features. Robin's shock only confirmed what he had secretly known, no matter his insistent denials, from the moment the third brother's name was mentioned.

It was him.

He was the third brother.

And he remembered _none_ of it.

What he failed to realize at that point was that he had thought all of that out loud.

"Sabo..." Luffy called, his head titled to the side, those big eyes staring at him full of confusion. "What do you mean..?"

The scar on his face ached for the first time in years as the ghost of the memory, the only fragment he had managed to retain from before he awoke at the revolutionary ship haunted him yet again. A flame living now solely in his mind licked his skin, the pain merely a dull ache, a tingle of the movements alive in hazy memories yet the real weight of what had happened was still visible for everyone to see. And heat that no one but himself could sense in his muddled mind suffocated him. He couldn't _breathe._

But Luffy was looking at him and as he stared back he understood. No matter how hard he tried to deny it there was no escaping the truth. And this man, this boy, his _brother_ deserved to know it.

Even if it would only hurt him more.

"The Revolutionary Army found me... twelve years ago. Dragon-san saved me when... when... a Celestial Dragon shot at my ship as I was trying to sail."

Tears were already gathering in the younger's eyes and he could see him starting to shake, mouth agape. But his story was not done.

"But I don't remember _anything_ prior to the incident. I'm so _sorry..._ Luffy.."

He didn't expect someone to launch into him, tear-stained and happy to see him alive.

He didn't expect himself to feel so overjoyed at the embrace.

Or so empty to not know the person who was initiating it.

* * *

Her knock on the wooden door echoed loudly enough to make her flinch in the serene silence of the night. Although she did not wish to disturb her fellow comrade, Sabo skipping dinner was always a cause for concern and considering the mindset he had been in the last time she had seen him then it was surprising only that she had waited this long before checking in on him. Koala impatiently awaited his response, even trying again when there was none of it. Worry triumphed over politeness easily and she was soon making her way to her friend's quarters, ever so hesitant in her steps.

"Sabo-kun..? You've been here for hours, what are you-?"

Her lips sealed tight once her gaze fell upon her friend, or rather at what he was holding, what he must have been holding with varying intensity for a while now, judging by the torn, mistreated state it was in. Her heart clenched in her chest as she took in his figure, hunched over an old, faded newspaper, his shoulders slumped in a desperate defeat, his head tilted downwards so that wayward curls would hide most of his face. The way his expression was invisible to her made her uneasy, hesitant as she tried to approach him. She would have spoken then, but he beat her to it.

"He was my brother," he admitted, his voice dry from the lack of use. She wondered when was the last time he had made sure to hydrate himself somehow. "At least that's what Luffy told me."

A hand reached out to touch him, but the woman thought better of it. There was something about his tone that implied something entirely different than what could be heard. Still, she couldn't help but say "I'm sorry for your loss," her own voice small, full of sympathy.

" _Is_ it though?"

She realized then what had been so off-putting about the way he spoke. The pain in his voice was all but detached and subdued _anger_ was more evident than anything else. That was not an emotion that matched with his words. And slowly she began to understand ever so slightly what had been driving her friend mad from the moment he had found out the truth of who he was- no. Rather, of who he had _been_.

"He's supposed to be my _brother_ ," he insisted yet again and the shakiness heard tore at her heart. "So why don't I _feel_ anything?"

A sharp intake of breath later and she was leaning down in front of him, her eyes set in a hard, steady gaze. Sympathy had given way to determination but only to hide how terrifying those words of his were to her ears. "You're wrong, Sabo-kun. You're hurting. I can see that. So don't you go around saying that you don't feel a thing, because it's _not_ true!"

He lifted his face to meet her gaze for the first time since she had walked in. Exhaustion showed in dark circles underneath wide blue eyes that were screaming quietly for her to understand as his gaze betrayed someone haunted by a life just out of his reach. A past he was protected from but had no right to be.

"I feel sadness for Ace was too young to have died like that, for Luffy was too young to be in so much pain over this. I'm sad because this is a tragic thing that should have never happened. I feel _frustration_ because I'm supposed to remember him and I feel _guilt_ , incredible guilt, Koala, I have _never_ been quite this guilty before and I have done... things that should have crossed some short of line in my conscience and yet I... and yet I'm... I'm not _mourning._ " His all but enraged rambling that presented itself with nothing more and angry whispers and frantic breaths slowed down to fallen gazes and crippling thoughts, his heavy voice confirming his claims. "This is a man who died still grieving from my supposed death and I don't have the decency to mourn his."

A soft hand reached out to touch a scarred cheek, the thumb softly caressing the damaged skin. "This is not your doing, this is not your fault..."

"With Luffy I can make new memories, you know. But him- but _Ace_? I'll _never_ remember the man who never forgot about me."

* * *

... will remember soon, right?"

Those hopeful words pierced his ears and in a manner perhaps befitting of someone younger than him, Sabo could only tilt his head downwards, his hat lowering so that the brim was hiding most of his face. It felt easier to offer false reassurances without having to look at his newly acquired brother, if it weren't for the guilt pressing heavily on his chest. "Maybe, Luffy. Maybe soon..."

However, the Straw Hat captain was not one who enjoyed having contact with his long lost brother denied. Luffy stretched forward aiming to knock that overly constricting hat out of the way. After the hat was eliminated but he was still not entirely satisfied, Sabo had to interfere.

"Say, why do you keep hiding your face anyway? Your hair used to be so _short_!" Luffy all but whined, reaching out to push wayward blond curls out of the way to take a good look at the face he had so deeply missed. Its owner however was having none of it.

A gloved hand stopped his midair, before he could reveal the skin underneath. Sabo's gaze would have looked almost harsh to an outsider, yet Luffy could clearly see the hints of panic residing. "Wait, _don't._ Don't do that."

His excitement went down considerably with that. Confusion settled on his face with a small frown as he regarded the other seriously. "Why not? I just wanna see it. It wasn't there when we were kids."

'That's not the only thing that's changed though," he muttered, lowering both their hands, his anger, his fear forgotten for the sake of remorse. He wondered if this was a form of loss. Loss when the person you were missing was right in front of you and yet you did not recognize them. Loss of self when you didn't recognize your reflection either. And he wondered then, if these were indeed losses then how should he comfort the one who was hurting the most- should he ever manage to figure out which one of them it was.

Did Luffy think he had lost both his siblings anyway, seeing as this one had no idea of their bond?

"What do you mean?"

And was he himself allowed to feel a loss of his brothers? Or himself? Or were all that he was missing mere ideas that could now never be fulfilled?

"I'm not the person you remember. Surely, you must have figured it out by now. I'm different," he began and in his ears it sounded as though he was trying to convince him of something. "Like..." He searched his mind for an example other than the obvious; he found it in childish dreams he had failed a decade ago. "... I'm not a pirate. Wasn't that our promise? I failed to keep that, Luffy. I'm not sure I would even want to."

"Eh, that's okay, though. It kinda suits you more."

The blunt, quick reply stunned him for a moment. He gaped at his brother for a considerable amount of time before he found it in him to finally _ask._ "What- What do you _mean_?"

"Our promise was to be free. But you see, Sabo was always kind enough to care about other people. So maybe freedom just for yourself would have never been enough for you."

There was a bright grin on his face, the mention of his brother's nature revealing the fondness underneath. And Sabo, who all the while thought that Luffy wouldn't- couldn't understand, finally realised that Luffy had known from the beginning what was truly going on. But he was okay with it.

He was just happy to have his brother back.

His heart beat strongly in his chest sending something warm through his veins to soothe every part of him. His friend's words made so much sense at the moment, puzzling him as to why he had failed to grasp as much as she had.

 _"Sabo-kun... I dont know if you'll ever remember Ace-kun.. but if theres a part of you that remembered how much it used to love Luffy then I'm sure Ace will show up soon. And even if he doesn't, then rest easy with the knowledge that he'll be happy either way that you two found each other after all these years. I'm sure of it..."_

Sabo took a seat before his legs had a chance to fail him, his frame shaking from a whirlwind of emotions that he couldn't know which version of him they belonged to. Seconds later Luffy was sitting opposite of him once again staring on cheerfully.

"Why are you okay with this? I don't know you. " Which wasn't a lie but it wasn't entirely true either.

 _"You said before that Luffy was too young to be in pain. You care for him Sabo-kun. Already you care for him. A part of you must remember what it was like to love your little brother. And the part that doesn't remember? Well you'll just have to be his brother all over again to convince it. And he'll help you with that..."_

The boy replied honestly, with no hesitation whatsoever. "Because we said we wouldn't let anything break our bond!"

 _"Because he loves you too."_

"And even if Sabo is sick, he's still my brother!"

Laughter echoed in the room around them and this time Sabo was prepared for his little brother launching onto him for a hug. For he was the one who had extended his arms invitingly in the first place. With his face buried in an unruly mop of raven hair he whispered, certain than the other would understand either way. _"Thank you, Luffy!"_

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the possible ooc-ness. It can happen occasionally. I should take a moment here to do some shameless self-promoting and say that I've started a side blog on tumblr for my writing. You can find the link on my profile. It will help with updates and you can ask questions or hey, yell at me about stuff. Please remember to leave a review before leaving c: Thanks.


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